


[OiSuga Weekly: Week 2] Don't miss me because I won't miss you.

by Heartythrills



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boyfriends, Don’t worry they get back together, Ex-Boyfriends, M/M, oisuga weekly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:02:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26452303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heartythrills/pseuds/Heartythrills
Summary: Written for Week 2 of OiSuga Weekly 2020Prompts - Alcohol & Ex-BoyfriendSugawara remembers the night Oikawa left and alcohol is the only way to put him at ease.
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 66





	[OiSuga Weekly: Week 2] Don't miss me because I won't miss you.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not dead! Returning for OiSuga Weekly (event put together by Thai fans, but every OiSuga fan is welcomed to participate) and upcoming, OiSuga Weekend.
> 
> If you're looking for a song to go with it, I listened to Empty Crown by YAS when writing.
> 
> Comments are always welcomed. Please nothing negative toward the ship. If you don't like the ship, please exit this tab and leave quietly.

Oikawa Tooru is cruel man. That was the thought that runs through Sugawara's head as he stares at the ceiling from his bed, a laugh rupturing from his chest before he rolls over to stare at the empty spot next to him. He runs his hand from his side toward that space where Oikawa’s waist could have been, where his arms could have been, where his face could have been. Sugawara closes his eyes. Oikawa is cruel, but Sugawara is the fool to have allowed himself to be part of Oikawa's games.

Games…no. The man had his rash sides, had his childish wars, but Sugawara knows nothing is a game. Not to Oikawa Tooru.

Sugawara still remembers the last time he saw Oikawa. The air had been suffocating in their silent ride after a dinner date. Usually, the atmosphere would be more playful, a lot of bantering. Oikawa seemed to have been on edge the whole time, resulting in a minor argument toward the end. Oikawa walked behind Sugawara as they head to the front gate of the latter’s apartment.

“Good night,” Sugawara said before he opened the gate. It wasn’t the first time they’ve had arguments so there was no point in being mean about it. Oikawa even walked him back because he knew his fault. Sugawara turned to Oikawa, waiting for his response.

“I love you.” Oikawa’s words were raw when it came out from his mouth. It took Sugawara by surprise.

“I know,” Sugawara smiled, but a part of his heart dropped. It wasn’t often that Oikawa said those words to him. They’d only murmured them in bed drunk or when they’re joking around. He walked toward Oikawa, his emotions stirring in his heart as he pulled the man for a kiss. It was sweet. It was bitter. It was a kiss filled with so much yearning as their tongues seemed to be dancing their last dance. Oikawa wasn’t going to sleep over tonight.

When their lips finally parted, Sugawara knew what would be coming next. The feeling that had been bothering him lately, the emotions that stirred at night, the fear he’d been shutting away filled his heart.

“Suga-chan.”

Sugawara’s lashes swept down and his lips quivered. He couldn’t look him in the eye.

“Take care of yourself,” Oikawa crooned, caressing Sugawara's face. “Suga-chan, look at me, hm?”

Sugawara kept his eyes down. _Don't call me that_ , he thought, but the words didn't come out.

Oikawa rubbed his cheeks again, his thumb catching the teardrop that had clung to his eye before it trickled down Sugawara's cheeks.

“Suga-chan?” Oikawa tried again. His voice was soft and it made the tears build more in his eyes, another drop falling. He kissed Sugawara’s forehead, then the mole under his eye before whispering again, “Suga-chan?”

This time, Sugawara’s hands touched Oikawa’s waist, and he drew him toward him. He shook his head. _No._

“Kou-chan.” Oikawa finally got Sugawara to look at him. Now, with their eyes gazing into each other, Oikawa said the words he had been waiting to say. But the words didn’t process in his head. He heard the words, but Sugawara didn’t listen to them. He needed to process the words in Oikawa's eyes, needed to transcribe those words in his heart, because if he just needed to listen to whatever nonsense that came out of that mouth, why would Oikawa have tried so hard to get him to look at him.

Gazing into those eyes made it harder for Sugawara. Oikawa meant his words.

_Don't miss me because I won't miss you._

Those words broke the dam and the tears came. It wasn’t that Oikawa didn’t love Sugawara anymore. If it was at least that, he could accept the words. Oikawa still loves him, so deeply. Sugawara’s lips quivered. But Oikawa loves himself more. And volleyball gives him that.

_Don't stop time for me, or anyone else. Because I won't stop time for anyone either._

Oikawa was going to leave the country to pursue his dream. He was telling Sugawara that it was okay to pursue his own dream as well. And if he gets lonely or down or need someone when Oikawa has gone, he wouldn’t blame him if he moved on. The sentence now shook Sugawara to his core, and all the words he wanted to say clamored in his heart, begging to be let out.

But there were so much, so so much he wanted to say, and so so much he wanted to tell Oikawa that nothing came out but the ugly sounds of his love for him as he fell to his knees. So fragile, so withered and so lost. The sounds hit the cold concrete with his teardrops.

He knew Oikawa would be right there with him, holding him for the last time until when…if when ever came. The thought made him cry harder. Even in the arms of Oikawa, his safe haven, Sugawara couldn’t stop crying. This was it. Even as his breath entangled with Oikawa’s, sharing that sweet saccharine taste that always filled his heart, the tears continued to flow out.

This was the last of them.

The memory squeezes at Sugawara’s heart. It’s been years since Oikawa left. He still keeps in touch, but they rarely have time to talk. Most days Sugawara does fine. Then there are days, like today, where memories will brush by with the breeze. He’d get lonely. He’d get sad. He’d want the comfort of another’s warmth.

Sugawara rolls out of bed. He needs a drink.

Sugwara isn’t really a solo drinker, but whenever he thinks about Oikawa, he’d drink alone. He knows he’d be a mess if he went to the bar. Maybe he’d bring someone home.

“Ah, there’s no more left,” Sugawara mumbles and goes back to his room to change out of his pajamas.

A convenient store recently opened across the street. It wasn’t here when Oikawa used to spend the nights. Sometimes, he thinks he should move out. Then, he realizes how much this place means to him, even without Oikawa.

Has Sugawara been waiting for Oikawa? It would be a lie if he said he isn’t. But it’s not just because of Oikawa. University took his time when Oikawa left. Then after graduation, work. Being a teacher isn’t just a job that ends when you leave the building. It’s a career. It’s a lifestyle. In the same way that volleyball is to Oikawa. Sugawara is living for himself. Time hasn’t stopped for him. He knows he won’t be able to face Oikawa if he does that to himself. He wants to be able to see him again, as a friend, as a person. If it is possible again, as a lover.

“Would you like anything else, sir?”

“No thank you. Good night.”

The night is cold. It reminds Sugawara of that night. His memories are hazy in the aftermath, but he knows, he never got to say what he really wanted to say to Oikawa.

He was a mess, a complete wreck. He couldn’t gather any words that night. He couldn’t even remember how Oikawa left. The next time they spoke, it was over the phone. Their relationship was over. Kou-chan permanently became Suga-chan. Then it was just words on a screen. For a while now, it’s been silence.

Sugawara takes out a shot glass to pour his drink. Drinking from the bottle makes him feel helpless. It’s not that he looks down on people who do, but he remembers the time he did drink from the bottle directly. His body was sprawled on the kitchen floor, tears and snot smeared on his hands as he cried and cried and cried. He doesn’t want anyone to see him that way. Except for Oikawa.

 _See me in this mess_ , that’s the thought that sometimes comes to Sugawara’s mind. _See the mess I am without you._

His phone lights up with a text. He doesn’t look at it. Only the time. 1:40 a.m.. Twenty minutes have passed since he started drinking. What cup is he on now? He can’t remember. Again. He shouldn’t have taken the shots straight.

Sugawara hears the doorbell and he knows he is already at _that_ stage. He knows he’s drunk, maybe even asleep, because that doorbell only rings when he misses Oikawa. It hasn’t happened often, maybe only four other times. He knows not to go open that door, because only once, did Oikawa show up in that dream. Yet, his body is no longer in his control.

_What will it be today? A dream? A nightmare?_

“Kou-chan?”

It’s a dream today. Sugawara thinks he would cry if he’s awake. But it’s a dream and he’s drunk. He wants to be happy.

“Do you have any idea what time it is?” Sugawara murmurs as he hugs Oikawa.

“Kou-chan, are you drunk?” Oikawa asks, worried. He walks Sugawara back inside and closes the door. “Kou-chan?”

“No, are _you_ drunk, Oikawa?” Sugawara responds. He’s gazing into Oikawa’s eyes. “You don’t call me Kou-chan anymore…” His body tilts back, out of his control until Oikawa holds him, a sad smile on his face.

“I am,” Oikawa admits. “I came to visit, had a couple of drinks…” he brushes Sugawara’s hair back, “and thought of you.”

 _Ah, what a beautiful dream._ Sugawara feels like crying, but he wants to be happy.

“I’m always thinking of you,” Sugawara mumbles, “Mhm. Always.” He reaches to touch Oikawa’s face, wiping the tears streaming down his face. “Don’t cry.” Sugawara blinks a couple of time. “You’ll make me cry too.” Oikawa takes his hands into his and kisses his palm. “But I won’t,” he smiles, a childlike smile, “because you’re here.” Sugawara pecks Oikawa’s cheek. “You know you make me happy?”

Oikawa nods. “I know.”

Oikawa feels so real this time, Sugawara thinks but doesn’t say. “Did you know? I was sad when you left.” Oikawa nods again. “I missed you like crazy.”

“Me too,” Oikawa says as he picks Sugawara up and takes him to the couch. “That’s why I’m here.”

Oikawa is beautiful. Sugawara wishes this dream can keep going. He hasn’t seen the man this close to him in so long, hovering over him as he lays him down.

“You know,” Sugawara starts before brushing Oikawa’s hair from his face to look at his eyes. They always had eye contact whenever they spoke back then. That was how they knew each other’s thoughts and feelings. “I didn’t move because I thought you might miss me and come back.” Even if they said something that contrasted with their feelings, the other knew. “I knew you meant it when you told me not to wait for you, and I’d thought about moving too.” That was also how Sugawara knew. “But, I also know that you wanted me to wait.” Sugawara pulls Oikawa for another kiss. “If I happen to fall in love, I wasn’t going to wait.” He kisses him again. “But I haven’t, so you can’t be mad at me.”

“I’m not mad at you,” Oikawa whispers before initiating the kiss this time, tears streaming down his cheeks.

“That day,” Sugawara says when their lips parted, “I didn’t get to tell you.”

“Hm?”

“I love you.” Sugawara can’t stop the tears now. Even though he wants to be happy. “I love you so much.” He wipes his tears and covers his face. “I love you so much,” he continues to repeat.

“I know,” Oikawa assures him. “You don’t remember, but…” he pulls Sugawara’s hands away from his face. “You told me that night when I brought you to bed.” Oikawa kisses his forehead. “You told me you love me and that I better wait for you,” he chuckles, “or else you’d go ruin my reputation before I can get into any leagues.” He is crying as he finishes his sentence. “I haven’t changed my heart. I’m still waiting for the day I can return to you.”

Sugawara cries inside his heart. How he wants to hear these words in real life. But the dream comes to an end. He’s unable to see Oikawa anymore, only that last sentence echoing in his head as the alcohol completely shuts his body down.

The sun is bright when it breaks through the curtain to him. Sugawara has a headache…no, a hangover. He crawls out of bed to the bathroom to wash his face, which looks miserable as hell. He doesn’t remember changing back into his pajamas, but it seems he somehow did it unconsciously last night.

The rest of the house is still, like every other morning. It’s just another day without Oikawa, like the past how many years. But last night’s dream is a comfort for his heart this morning. Sugawara has held onto his feelings for so long. Being able to let it out like that, even if it was just a dream, makes him feel lighter. Maybe, there will be a day when he can convey those feelings to Oikawa.

_One day._

A jiggle at the door pulls Sugawara out of his thoughts. Someone seems to be trying to break in. He grabs the broom and stands at the door. As soon as the door opens, he strikes the person. Not once, not twice, but too many times.

“Suga-chan, stop it!”

Sugawara knows he is awake for sure this time, so it’s absolutely concerning to him that he’s hearing Oikawa’s voice.

“Kou-chan, stop it,” Oikawa repeats and grabs Sugawara’s hand. “Are you trying to kill me?”

“Is this a dream?” Sugawara asks, pinching himself. Oikawa shook his head, amused. “Then I must be hallucinating,” Sugawara concludes. “Yeah, hallucinating,” he continues.

“What would you do to me if I’m not a hallucination?”

Sugawara looks back at Oikawa and smiles, “I’d kill--”

Oikawa cuts him off with a kiss. “If I’m not a hallucination, I’d kiss you,” Oikawa says and pulls Sugawara to him. “I’d tell you, I love you.” He kisses Sugawara again, this time getting a response from the other. He breaks the kiss. “And ask if you want to continue in bed.”

“No,” Sugawara pecks Oikawa’s lips. “I have a headache. Please let us continue with tea in the kitchen.”

“Specific word choice.” Oikawa shrugs with a smile and lifts Sugawara into an embrace as he carries the man into the kitchen.

“Oikawa,” Sugawara says when the man placed him down. “I love you.” That got a shy smile from Oikawa. “I said, I love--”

Oikawa covers Sugawara’s mouth with his hand and catches his eyes. Sugawara realizes last night was all real.

“I love you.”

_Say it again._

“I love you, Kou-chan.”

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written for so long, I hope you'll still appreciate some angsty OiSuga. I always put them through so much. 
> 
> This was initially started for OiSuga Weekend, loose interpretation for Competition. HOWEVER, OiSuga Weekly just released the prompt for Ex-boyfriend (a completely unheard of prompt for me) for Sep 10 - Sep 17. Since I was only in the draft, I changed it to be as I initially wanted without pushing too hard for the 'competition' aspect of it.
> 
> EDIT: I was just rereading my other fic ‘Fools’ and realize how similar this one is to it. I just haven’t finished the other one while this is a one shot. If you like angst, you may want to check out my other fics  
> If the Universe Regrets and Fools  
> Black Moon gives OiSuga angst but it’s pure angst since the story starts post breakup and they actually don’t end up together. BM also has a lot of ships that you may not like.


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